A month ago I hopped on a scale and weighed the most I've ever weighed in my life. A whopping 250 pounds. (and I'm only 5' tall) I can't hide it anymore, I'm bursting out of all of my clothes, I can't button my winter coat and everything hurts.
I have had problems with my weight since I was a child, I'd go up and down and up and down. I was sexually abused at a very young age, and I never told anyone until I met my husband. I sought food as comfort because my parents were extremely Christian, and I was afraid. I have been a victim my whole life and I am done crying.
Recently, my weight is just up and up and up. I have been lurking around this reddit for a long time, and I am amazed at the triumphs of so many people, and I still see that progress and get jealous, and down on myself.
"I'm just fat" I keep repeating.
"I've always been fat," over and over again.
"Since I was born, I was more than 10 pounds. I always will be fat"
I had a near breakdown when my ex (from 10 years ago) posted a progress pic... "He lost more than 100 pounds" I thought to myself. "But HE CHEATED ON ME. HE DOESN'T DESERVE TO LOOK GOOD" I was becoming toxic from the inside out. In that moment I realized how wrong I was. I am 28 years old and it was time for change.
I'm done with it. I'm sick of the self deprecating humor, I'm tired of waitresses coming to my table at dinner and assuming I'm the one at the table who ordered sweet tea-- I'm done with being afraid of traveling simply because I know I won't fit in the airplane seat or feel comfortable in a bathing suit.
Three weeks ago I went out for Mexican with my parents. For the first time in years, I did not touch the chips. I ordered a salad, I ate slowly, and I left with more than half of my salad left in a to-go container. For the first time in years, I felt progress. I truly feel that I am capable. I know in my heart, and I'm here to change the narrative.
"I can do this," I keep repeating.
"I am worth it," over and over again.
"It's time to get to work, and the prize is you," no more excuses.
So remember, you can do it, you're worth it, so WORK IT!
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