I made a new account just for this, and can only apologise for the rambling I’m about to embark upon. For context, I am a 5”10 28 year old woman who weights 170kg.
I was a skinny and athletic kid, up until the age of 16 when depression hit me like a freight train and I gave everything up. Since then I’ve just got bigger and bigger. I’ve also become more depressed and tried to take my own life.
Over the last few years I’ve also fallen into the body positivity/HAES community, and a lot of my identity is in being plus sized. Whenever I think about losing weight I’m just overcome with shame at the thought of betraying the community.
But also, a large (ha) part of me is worried that I’ve left it too late anyway. I have varicose veins everywhere, my knees crunch when I go upstairs, and I know that I’m going to have enough loose skin to take off like a flying squirrel if I drop the weight I need to. What if I’ve irreparably damaged myself? My medical tests always come back fine (no heart problems, diabetes, high blood pressure etc), but still.
Am I in too deep to get out?
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