Couldn't workout today. Felt completely unmotivated to move and continue with the progress that I've kept up for the past 5 months. Looked at the mirror and couldn't see a figure of myself that I truly appreciate and find beautiful. Even now, after losing 60lbs. You know those days when you simply can't recognize all the achievements you got during your journey, ending up feeling just like you did when everything started? Today was one of these for me. I'm really close to my first goal weight. But my body is not the way I was expecting. Losing pounds right now aren't just as significant as it was weeks ago. My body is not as toned as I dreamed in the beginning. Fitting in most clothes and places doesn't provides me the happiness I thought it would, 'cause I don't look like I fantasized when I decided to lose weight. My loose skin won't be eliminated just like the fat. Will I ever have a flat belly, beautiful booty and toned legs? And where's my energy? Where's my body and mind strength? I'm scared that I will perish and fall into one of these two holes: never being satisfied with the scale and try to lose more and more weight, without caring much about it; or simply give up on myself and all the progress I've made and return to my old habits. I'm scared that I will never be as pretty as other girls. I'm scared that I will never be confident enough to use short shorts. I'm scared that I will never build a lean and strong body so I can do a Pilates class without being hurt. I'm scared that I will never be enough for myself.
Hopefully, I'll be able to get back on track and finally realizing that things takes time (and energy). I should be happy with my new look, lifestyle and health. But it's easier to say than to do. When I had my epiphany, I thought getting skinnier would make me feel better for everything else in life. Now I know it's not how it works.
As it hurts to say, it's better to do it out loud: It's okay to be scared of what is about to come. Bad days exist, and I need to overcome them. It's healthy to establish some barriers. Prioritize your inner self. Get back on track and focus. You're doing great.
I'm sincerely thankful for this community. I appreciate being able to vent about this somewhere. "If you quit now, you will end up right back where you first began. And when you first began, you were desperate to be where you are right now."
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