I’ve gained a lot of weight over the last 3 years. I wear mostly leggings and t shirts, so my clothes just kinda stretched with me. I suppose I did know I needed to buy bigger clothes but I didn’t want to because I didn’t want to be at the bigger size for long enough to need new clothes.
Well I didn’t really realize it was super necessary because the weight gaining was fairly gradual.. but it really got to the point where I was in clothes that were too small. But for the past few months I have been more sedentary than ever before. It’s been like a catch-22 in a way.. I felt like I couldnt move around easily and everything was just such a struggle... which made me more sedentary which made losing weight not possible. I was never ever comfortable. So this all made me MORE sedentary because the only time I wasn’t super uncomfortable was when I was laying still (and naked) in bed. It didn’t click that it was the clothes for whatever reason. I thought it was simply moving around that was too hard.
Well I finally bought a new pair of leggings because I really needed a pair with pockets. And I bought it online so I bought the size that matched my measurements. And holy shit... I’ve been able to be the most active I’ve been in months. I feel flexible and strong and like I can actually move. I don’t remember the last time I felt this free and good. I QUADRUPLED the amount of steps today than they highest step days this year so far. It’s embarrassing to admit but I honestly didn’t even realize this connection until after I wore the new leggings today.
I’m still feeling a little hesitant to want to spend money on clothes in a size that I don’t want to be forever. But I’ve learned that I can’t lose weight if I can’t move. And I can’t move in clothes that are way too small for me. I’m sure this seems ridiculously obvious to everyone else, but it’s been an important realization for me.
I’ve never had a problem “accepting” myself at this weight (or any weight) because my self worth is truly not tied into my looks at all. But that’s actually not as good of a thing as it seems like. I almost envy my friends that care about their looks because it helps motivate them to stay fit. (Although I do have a friend with an eating disorder, so I know this can be bad on the opposite extreme too). I’m just saying it’s almost pathological how much I don’t care about it. You always hear how women need to not care about beauty standards and I never have felt even 1% like I needed to look a certain way.. but I think if I had that, I wouldn’t have gained this weight in the first place. So I’m not trying to brag or say this in like an r/notliketheothergirls way or anything. Just trying to explain how in this one aspect, I totally accept myself for the way I look.
But that being said, I have struggled with “accepting” being this size in more of a denial way. For example, I often feel like I can fit through smaller spaces than I actually can fit through, or stuff like that. And this whole clothes thing obviously fits into that “denial” category.. like I need to accept that I am the size that I am. I mean it’s not like I actually think I’m skinny. I believe the number on the scale. But practically speaking, the image I have of myself in my mind as I go throughout the day is not as big as the real me is. but I guess I just need to acknowledge where I am before I can get to where I’m going. And I think my new leggings helped me realize this.
It’s kinda funny how something as random as a pair of leggings can help someone see how they’re in denial.
[link] [comments]
from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2SBcqjg
0 Comments