Husband, because I love him and need that D to jump at the sight of me
guy at work who harassed me, because I can’t stand him and I want him to know how much I disdain him and how far he is beneath me
Older sister, because she's the pretty one
Younger sister, because she's the young one and the athletic one
Carnivore dude friend at work, because I want him to associate vegans with hotness
Older dude friend at work, because having a “cool dad type” think I’m hot would be awesome and I want to borrow his Bonneville on occasion
Annoying middle manager at work, because I want him to be a little uncomfortable around me, for tactical reasons
Literally every white lady at work, because I want to be the hottest white lady of them all.
New York dude at work, because he’s from New York and he thinks he's sooo fashionable even though his hair is styled with thin-crust pizza grease as far as I can tell
Gay female BFF, because I KNOW I was her first lady love in high school and I kind of like to think she's still a bit into me.
Straight male BFF, because he had a crush on me in high school and then I got really fat and it was embarrassing.
Basically everybody who works at my gym, especially the personal trainer I think is too arrogant to exist.
My mom, because she tries too hard.
My dad's wife, because she doesn't have to.
My mother-in-law, because I want her to be silently aware that I destroy her son in bed, so she knows deep in her soul that he's mine now.
My sister-in-law, because... ugh.
My real estate agent, because I felt so freaking inferior around that booty
The folks that deliver my Amazon packages. They are doing a real service and I just want them to feel happy to see me.
The businessmen in first class, because I'd like them to send me drinks after I walk by them to go sit in coach.
All the nerd boys at the game store, because I want them to be real jealous of my husband.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/37qmJfx
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