Context: I am 31F, about 320 lbs, 5'8". I have PCOS, so losing weight is fucking hard. I generally eat pretty well these days and I'm exercising (have lost 15 lbs since January 1st) but I'm trying to let myself have treats now and then. I'm a binge eater and I find that indulging in occasional cravings keeps my binging in check.
I've been trying REALLY hard to be nice to myself as, shockingly, I've never been successful at hating myself thin. So I'm working on the inside and the outside.
Anyway, last night, I took myself out to dinner. Just at a local diner, nothing fancy. It was later, like about 9:30 or so.
I ordered a milkshake and a BLT and fries. A group of teenage boys come in and are seated near me. I hear them snickering about something as I drink my milkshake but I ignore them.
I leaned over to get something out of my purse and I hear "Oh my god, look at her ass, it's huge".
This is not the first demeaning thing that's been said about me or to me. Kids on the bus in high school used to call me names. I've had a man throw a beer can at me and scream "Hey fatass!". I've been oinked at. I've been called "fat cunt". You get the gist.
But I'm TRYING. I'm trying so hard to be nice to myself. I'm trying so hard to appreciate my body for what it is and to treat it better by eating well and exercising. And then people come along and have to be so rude and so mean.
I couldn't eat my food. I could feel them staring at me and hear the snickering.
I know I shouldn't have let them, but they ruined my night.
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