Hi everyone, I am looking for some advice
I am a 22 year old woman who weighs 120kg (264lbs) and am 174cm tall (5’8, 5’9?).
I have been trying to lose weight for as long as I can remember. I started university at 17 and 82kg. At uni I completely stopped exercising and started eating very badly. Over the last 5 years I have gained and gained and gained to the point I’m at now. My weight has always been a source of angst for me, one of my most prominent childhood memories is my nana telling 5 year old me that I had gotten fat. Or my aunt grilling 11 yr old me on what I would eat in a day and that I needed to stop snacking on biscuits and chips at school break times (I wasn’t). Or my personal favourite is a personal trainer at the gym I signed up for at 13 yrs old calculating my BMR and telling me that if I ate less than 932calories a day, I would lose weight but that I should really eat 700 if I wanted to see results. Needless to say, I don’t have a good relationship with my body, food or even really exercise.
I have tried numerous diets - low cal, vlcd, Omad, keto, high protein low carb. And they all work, I lose weight, I feel better, and then... I fall off the wagon. The longest I have stuck to an eating plan was when I did 6 weeks of keto 2 years ago. I lost 6 kg and felt great. The weekend of the sixth week, I made a huge batch of lasagna and cookies to take to my university departments relay for life team. I let myself have half of one cookie and next minute I had eaten five and was back to my normal high carb, high fat, high sugar, high calorie diet. Ever since then, I have repeatedly (5 or 6 times at a MINIMUM) tried to restart keto as I really liked the results and how it felt. But every.single.time, I last a few days and then I’m off.
At this point, I’m at the end of my tether. Im 120kg, I’ve just had to size up from my stretched out size 16/18 clothes to size 20 tops and 22 pants. Both my parents are type 2 diabetic (my sugars are fine but I’m not sure how much longer that will last), I have reflux, my blood pressure (which used to be so low i would have fainting spells) has now increased 20 points, I can’t really climb stairs without getting out of breath, walking is no problem but it will become so if I continue to gain. More than that though I’m just so sick of being uncomfortable and feeling horrible about myself. I have achieved so much over the last 5 years and I haven’t been able to feel happy about any of it because I’m so disappointed and disgusted by my weight. Its been a dark cloud over everything. I graduated in December after slogging my way through 5 long years of pharmacy school. Did I enjoy that very special day? Yes but I also felt constantly uncomfortable and ugly. I have become incredibly standoffish and closed off to people purely because in my mind, they are judging me for my weight. I’m so over it.
But I don’t know what to do! I feel like maybe I’ve become fixated on keto as the only option for me to lose weight. Part of me feels like keto will only work if I stick to it and this, since Ive proved that I can’t stick to it, it actually doesn’t work for me. That part of me wants to move on from keto, at least for a little while, and just focus on my relationship with food, introducing some exercise, eating whole foods (carbs and all), introducing a deficit and kicking my sugar and refined carbs (bread and pasta!) habit in a gentler way. For some reason, that actually really scares me. Like I have something that gets me results, why would I do anything else? I just need to have some self control and stick to it.
I don’t even really know what the question is in there, I guess it’s what does everyone here recommend? I know that everyone is different but I’m at a bit of a loss as to what I need to do next? Cause I need to do something.
Thanks in advance.
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