Gained 40 pounds, am going crazy, help

Sorry if I'm not where I should be, am new to this sub

24M. I tried to cut myself some slack and start eating like a normal person, stopped counting calories and macros so that I could try and build healthy habits for myself, especially since I've been having a hard time with overworking. But I'm garbage at controlling myself and here I am one year later, having completely lost what I've worked so hard to maintain by struggling with going on and off to the gym. I'm so mad at myself.

I know failure is part of the journey, but man I'm so tired of not even getting close to my goals. How do you guys deal in these moments ? How do you even keep track of what you eat without going full on fucking maniac by weighing every ounce of food you ingest ? How do you make eating well and working out so strong a habit that you don't get these months long rut that completely obliterate your streaks and progress ?

I've been trying so many things, so many systems to keep myself in check, I need some external eyes rn on how I can make things better. Tell me about your experiences and shifts in perspective that led to where you are

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