I have a victory that came from a set back. It's long, but hit me profoundly.

I have let COVID be an excuse. It started with gym closure. My work lets me have an hour 3x a week at our on site gym, but I lost that when it closed die to COVID. I could still walk or something, but since my time slot is first thing in the morning I would have no shower access, so I would be a stinky mess all day.

No big deal, I started rucking at home before work.

But I got lazy about it, wasnt putting the effort in, etc. And then came the heat. We live in the desert southwest and at 6AM it is easily 85.

So I slowly stopped my morning exercise.

I was still watching what I ate, and my weight crept up a little. Then I didn't track my food for a day. Then two. Then three. I quit weighing in as I gained weight.

Last night I looked in the mirror and realized I was looking fat again. I decided enough was enough. I downloaded the audio book from the library that really got me focused originally, resolved Monday was exercise time and logging my food. I would also do what I had been avoiding for nearly a month- weigh in.

So today I weighed in. I was 220, up 14 pounds from my best thus far. Part of me is really sad as I wasonly 7lbs from my goal.

Weridly enough, though, my biggest take away wasn't that I had gained 14 pounds. See I am still 30 to 25 lbs below my 245 to 250 that had been my normal 18 months ago. I have normalized in my mind my lower weight, and saw myself as fat at 220 lbs! 220 was a weight that had been BELOW my initial goal for my 1 year mark. It was the weight I lied abput on my DL for years. Now its noticable to me as being over weight!

Yes, I have a lot to claw back from, but I am mentally thinking of myself as thinner. I see myself at 21 lbs over my healthy weight as fat, not "I'm doing pretty good". 18 months ago being merely overweight was a short term goal, and yet today I look at it with annoyance and not feeling myself. Its a challenge to improve, not a thing to just accept.

I haven't been 220 since 2005 prior to this journey, and I'm super stoked that my mindset about my weight and appearance is so different.

submitted by /u/lelfin
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