So like many others I too have gained weight during quaratine (and before quarantine too). Probably around 15 if not 20 pounds. I'm now at a BMI between 30-31 (I don't want to weigh and don't want to know my exact BMI). I'm probably about 190 lbs, which is the heighest I've ever been. I'm currently 23 years old (F) and am 5'6" tall.

3 years ago I also weighed 190 lbs. I lost weight and went down to 132 lbs (BMI 21.5) in less than a year, but this was through excessive binging and purging and using laxatives. I went to group therapy to get help for both my Bulimia and Binge Eating Disorder, but my therapists were really only interested in getting me to stop vomiting and using laxatives. Once I stopped, I was given no ropes for how to deal with the binging. Therefore, I have now gained ALL the weight back I had lost years ago. A skirt I used to wear now doesn't even nearly go past my thighs. I am so glad summer is over so I can hide in my oversized hoodies again. My breasts have become so big in size they're a burden when I sleep. I don't want this life, I want to be comfortable with my weight and be able to wear beautiful clothes confidently.

However, I have probably tried everything you can think of. Counting calories, exercising, fasting, binging & vomiting, chewing & spitting, laxative abuse, liquid diets, soup diets, fruit diets, cutting down on sugar, cutting down on carbs altogether, 2468 diet, abc diet. You name it, I've probably tried it.

I just threw out all unhealthy snacks I had left (which was really just cookie dough, some marshmallows and some licorice. I'm in a tough financial spot so I shouldn't be able to buy anymore snacks for at least the next 3 weeks. I will not weigh myself, because I don't want to know if I've gone over my highest weight from 3 years ago (190 lbs). I know I'm at that weight, but I don't want to know if I'm currently the heaviest I've ever been. If I do well this week I might weigh myself then. I also have a gym membership now. I actually love going to the gym, but when the summer heat wave hit here, I didn't go because I'd rather not melt before I get there. I'm making a new reservation right after posting this, probably on Tuesday or Wednesday. Since I'm in such a tough financial spot, I'll probably have to finish the excessive amounts of instant noodles, coffee, instant soups and canned soups I still have here. They're not the healthiest options, but since I've been living off of sugar the past few weeks, this should be an improvement.

I definitely want to keep writing here on Reddit though. Writing my feelings away makes me realize how bad I really do want this and what a negative impact being overweight has on my life. I need to lose 40 lbs to be at a healthy weight for my size. I've done it before, so I can do it again the healthy way.

submitted by /u/Avyeon
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