28, F, SW: 406, CW: 403.
Hey folks, I got requests for updates so I figured it’s probably about damn time. I had a post here that absolutely blew up to my great surprise. I got a lot of advice, a lot of very kind words and also some not-kind words. Truthfully, I did not expect the response my post got - I figured I was shouting into the void, and was primarily posting for myself. I was at my rock bottom and I wanted to use that feeling as motivation for when my journey to be healthier got hard, and I thought it would be more effective if I put my feelings, hopes and dreams all into one post. This community seemed like a good place to do that, as I had seen nothing but kindness and support from the people on this sub in the time I had spent lurking here, so I figured if 1 or 2 people actually read it, they would at least not be assholes. Well, surprise surprise!
I posted on a Wednesday and my inbox was blowing up all day Wednesday and most of the day Thursday. It was a bit overwhelming so I decided to take the rest of the week to read through all the comments, messages and chats, do some research and come up with a plan. I set the following Monday (8/17) as my official start date.
Day 1 went great! I worked from home, made a home-cooked meal, started using MyFitnessPal to track calories. Pretty much emptied out my bank account buying groceries (it was close to payday so not much in there - rest assured I spent like $100-$150ish, not like $1000) so I wouldn’t even have money to order takeout! I was out of edibles so I had no choice but to stay sober and eat only what I had at home.
Day 2 I was irritated, I had a monstrous headache, no ability to focus and cried about 3-4x over work shit that was so stupid, I shouldn’t have spent any energy on it. I had zero appetite and ended up eating less than 1000 calories for the day. I felt even worse waking up for day 3. I ate maybe 700 calories that day.
I recognized pretty quickly that I was doing too much too fast. I had completely lost the ability to talk myself into eating without being high - even if I was physically hungry (which I absolutely was), I had no desire for food. I got paid on day 4 and went to the dispensary and got some edibles. Decided that going from 2 a night (20mg) to 1 a night (10mg) was still progress and I could wean myself down from there. I also decided to allow myself 1 night a week that I could order myself a meal if I so wanted, so long as it was not a literal feast. I also gave up my daily Starbucks, which was much easier than I thought it would be. I am still drinking Diet Pepsi, but significantly less of it than I was before.
The following days were much better. I was able to moderate my food intake and didn’t even really restrict what I was eating, so long as the portions were smaller than I was accustomed to. I also started drinking more water (though I am still fighting myself to increase my water intake).
In the weeks since my last post, there have been some pretty big life changes also:
1: I got a formal diagnosis for ADHD - was diagnosed with ADHD, other type by a psychiatrist and then went to a doctor (on the 24th - exactly 2 weeks after my initial doctor’s visit that left me an emotional wreck that I wrote about in my first post) and she prescribed Adderall. Somebody commented on my last post and suggested Vyvanse and added it was also good for appetite suppression, which my doctor confirmed. Unfortunately my insurance does not cover it, so we’re going to stick with the Adderall for now and then reevaluate after the beginning of the year, as I am likely going to switch insurance in hopes that I can find a plan that WILL cover the Vyvanse. I really like this doctor and will he making her my new primary and will be involving her in my journey to get healthy. We scheduled a 30 day follow-up, at which point we will also discuss getting a bunch of diagnostic testing done to see where everything is at and even do a physical - I have avoided all of this my entire adult life due to a general fear and distrust of doctors. It is really exciting to me to have one I like.
*I will say that the last couple weeks, I did backslide a bit in terms of my eating and ordering food as I adjusted to the medication. My first couple days on Adderall, I had little appetite during the day and then was ravenous as it wore off in the evening. It was also a stressful couple of weeks at work, so I slid back into old habits. While this sucks, it doesn’t mean I am throwing in the towel - just gotta recognize it for what it is and push forward!
2: I found a wonderful video therapy from a top-rated ARFID/SED therapist and it very literally just revolutionized my life. Since I was 4, trying new foods has sent me into a panic attack. Trying to force myself to eat them has led to gagging and sometimes vomiting. Following this video therapy series, I tried FOUR new foods in one day (pears, sugar-snap peas, baby carrots and strawberries). I know many of you do not understand why this is a big deal, and that’s okay, but for me, this is maybe the biggest psychological breakthrough I have ever had. I stood in my kitchen and WEPT as I ate pears for the first time and did not gag, vomit or go immediately into a panic attack. For the first time in my life, not only did I have the motivation to be healthier, but it seemed like it was really possible to eat healthier and be healthier also.
Lastly, I want to give you guys a huge thank you for the frankly overwhelming response to my initial post - it was really inspiring and I got a lot of good ideas on how to lose weight! There were so many people who offered to give me recipes incorporating my safe foods as a result of my ARFID and honestly, even the offers made me cry because it was just such a kind and thoughtful thing to offer a complete stranger. Also got a few people very concerned about my mental health - don’t worry, guys, I am not even considering any sort of premature exit. :) What I hope is coming across both in my initial message and this one is well, hope. I feel it for the first time in a long time. I am also the most mentally healthy that I have in years. I have a sense of clarity that I maybe have never had because of addressing and treating the ADHD. I do not make any excuses for getting to the weight that I am at, but I have come to understand the various circumstances that got me here over the last 28 years. This is going to be hard work (both mentally and physically) but I am ready to put in that work.
I had many people who suggested keto (my best friend’s older sister lost have of her body weight by doing keto so I have seen the results firsthand!), but I don’t think it is for me at the moment, as it is very important to me to try as many different foods as possible right now so I don’t want to try to restrict myself to just one diet. I will be looking to add IF at some point but right now, just going to stick with CICO and trying to increase my water intake and also start working in going for a walk around my block before or after work. I fucked up by trying to do too much at once, so the name of the game for the foreseeable future is to try small, sustainable changes and focus on trying all the things I have spent my whole life wishing I could try - in moderation, of course. Maybe down the road, I will consider looking at major diet changes. Tomorrow I am trying avocado and I am honestly thrilled. Today, I will quit rambling and again, say thank you to all of you kind Redditors. I am honored to be a part of this community and to go through this journey with y’all. The next update will be far more substantial. :)
TL;DR: in the several weeks since I’ve began my journey, I lost a few pounds, got a formal ADHD diagnosis and started medication and also tried a life-changing ARFID therapy that has allowed me to try multiple new foods in one day for maybe the first time in my life. Gonna be sticking to just CICO and increasing my movement and water intake for the foreseeable future. New Orleans, here I come!
[link] [comments]
from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/326Kzxr
0 Comments