Hi, I'm a 16F who lives with her parents and they won't stop body shaming me. Each time I try to talk to talk to them about it, they say they're trying to motivate me but all it does is the exact opposite. My self confidence and body image has deteriorated very much over the years to the point that I cannot go outside or even look at the mirror without hating myself. these days, whenever I do things like putting on earrings, skincare, my mom goes on ranting about how I have time to "enjoy" myself but I don't have time to lose weight. I can't bring books home or read for the same reasons ( I'm a bookworm so I generally try to leave my books at school but because of COVID, I can't anymore) We've fought over this for years and she keeps on going into crying fits about I'm taking years off of her because of slimming down and how she will die because of me and that I'm the worst child she could have ever asked for and that I only bring problems for her. I am honestly so tired of this attitude and want out so bad. Recently, we went to the doctors and I weighed about 103kg (227.076 lbs.). I'm at 150 cm in height (4'11, 06). I am getting tested for diabetes and PCOS. She blames me for "killing her future generation" by what I am doing to myself. She makes me go through humiliating sessions of exercises and home remedies that are useless (the doctor said I should start small, like 30 min walks a day but my parents insists on making me go on the treadmill for an hour just because it seems like I'm "putting in some effort"). I can't even cry in front of her when she makes comments like "you will explode one day" or " here comes the fat cow". She is biased between my siblings and I. Whenever I try explaining to my sibling that they're body shaming me, they retort back saying they're doing it for my wellbeing and that it wouldn't have come to this if I had listened to them years ago. They've all been doing this since I was a child, about 8. Back then, they made me go on the spinner bikes for an hour, knowing that hurt my feelings, but simply ignoring it because "we all have to make sacrifices". My mom knows I'm passive suicidal and she makes fun of it. But what hurt the most is that the other day, my sister suggested that they put me on a diet with vitamin supplements and water. I don't know it hurt as much as it did, but something broke inside me. Now that I need to lose weight urgently, I cannot seem to motivate myself since they're all watching me exercise and mock me and make me do than my limit since I'm never doing enough. I hate this situation. I don't know what to do. She keeps on going day after day after day. All I know is that I can't take this shit anymore. I'm sorry you had read through this rant but thank you for doing so anyway
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