While most people were complaining about quarantine weight gain, I lost 37lbs. I was on top of the world. I was diagnosed as a diabetic and after struggling with high blood sugar for months, I managed to make my blood sugar start with a 9 consistently. The doctor said if I lost weight, I wouldn't have to worry about my sugar anymore. I was happy. I was on track to getting rid of my diabetes and for the first time in years I was this close to being below 300lbs. I bought an exercise bike and cycled for 2+hrs daily, I did 20:4 IF and even successfully water fasted for 3 days twice.
Then, I started to work again and all of that stopped. I lost the motivation to do anything. Even extra hobbies I took up. I stopped exercising and I pig out. I am a teacher which is a highly stressful job especially during these times. When I get home, I am physically and mentally exhausted and I succumb to all my cravings. My mind just tells me to eat, eat, eat. I crave for junk I've never even liked before. I can't even look at my exercise bike anymore. I just don't want to exercise. It's been 2 months since I've been trying to get back on track and I have failed each time. I try to fast again but I can't. I try to eat healthier but I just eat more junk. I try to exercise but I can't be consistent. My sugar is once again consistently 240. I've just been overcome with hopelessness.
I've been avoiding the scale for a while now. I know I put on weight but I never expected that I would put back on 20 of the 37lbs that I lost. I am now once again 320lbs. As I'm typing this, I'm trying to hold back tears. I feel so useless, hopeless and defeated. I just ate a huge bowl of food. I can't help myself. I don't feel like I can do this on my own anymore. I feel so disgusted and disappointed with myself but I don't even know where to start again. I don't even know how to lose weight again.
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