Sorry if these types of posts aren't allowed here, I'll delete it if that's the case. I also apologize if I'm not as coherent as I'd like to be.
I've been on and off "diets" since I was about 15 years old, maybe even 14. I'm 20 now. I say "diets" because they weren't normal or healthy diets. I would starve myself or restrict my calorie intake drastically. I wouldn't say I have an eating disorder because I've never been able to lose the weight that I've needed to lose, but I did (do?) have extremely unhealthy habits.
I've started dieting (again) this week and I've already lost 4 lbs. I'm doing IF + OMAD, not very strict since I have a bad sleeping schedule, I just don't eat anything after 8-8:30 PM. I know that I've failed or given up on every diet because 1) I restricted a lot and I already have chronic fatigue, 2) by restricting so much I set myself up for failure and binge OR I'll eat something "dirty/unsafe" and realize what I've done, and completely give up. In 2017 I went through something really traumatic, decided to go on a diet and didn't eat anything for over a month. I had two instances where I 'tricked' my brain I was eating a plum and then spat it out. So far, I haven't binged at all.
I think my issue is that I've only just realized that I have an unhealthy relationship with food. I either eat nothing or when I'm not dieting, I'm extremely careless. I'll have days where I eat until I'm sick.
My issue is that I don't know how normal people eat. I have never had a day where I ate 3 meals, let alone at appropriate times.
My question is: How do I think about food like a normal person? There are bad and good foods, and I've had shame and guilt whenever I eat them. I don't exactly know what I'm trying to ask here, because I know the bare essentials of dieting is calories in, calories out + healthy food. That's basic knowledge. It's more about the mentality about letting myself eat normally when I'm dieting or not, to stay stable and not go on one end to the other? I feel so dumb sharing this but I have no one to talk to about this rifp.
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