My entire life I have been fantasizing about my future 'thin' life. I've put off taking graduation pictures, getting that tattoo I wanted, and taking trips to the beach. I've reserved all these activities for when I finally lose the weight. I've yo-yo dieted since about age 12.
My partner and I have been discussing marriage and I know he's been ready to pop the question for over a year now. We're an international couple so this would also make things easier as we begin to bridge the distance and move in together (he's living with me this summer).
But I know that if he asked me today I would say no (or say yes and put off the actual wedding indefinitely). Not because I don't love him or because I'm not willing to formally commit our lives to each other, but because I am devasted by the idea of getting married while obese. I've always wanted to feel beautiful in my wedding dress and I just don't feel beautiful at this weight. I can't look at full body pictures without crying as disappointing as that is to admit. I wouldn't even be able to shop for a dress and look in the mirror without it being a horrible rather than wonderful experience. Nor would I be able to enjoy engagement pictures.
This issue is enhanced by my partner being very slim. My issues with my weight have been a negative factor in our relationship because I feel so immensely self-conscious when I visit him (he's European, I'm American). I feel like my weight is screaming out "fat American!" even before my accent gives me away. I can't walk through a pub without feeling like everyone is staring and judging.
I'm in therapy and working on my self-esteem but this has lit a fire in me to get to a place where I feel comfortable with my appearance.
I lost 10lbs in a month before getting off track during Thanksgiving/finals. But I'm back on the grind.
You all inspire me, thank you for sharing your pictures and stories. Hopefully I can share my progress picture in a white dress in the future.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2PZdcW7
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