It was so hard. I'm 5'2, 244 lbs at the moment (down from 254 after christmas, yay). The biggest person at the gym. Every exercise was so hard. Everyone at the bootcamp was really supportive, including the coach, but i found myself struggling with the kindness. I know it sounds dumb but i felt like they felt sorry for me, even though im sure they didnt. The coach told me i did a great job but i didnt feel like i did a good job at all. I was proud for showing up and thought I'd come again, maybe. But then the coach asked to talk to me and told me about a focus session, where you get measured and discuss specific goals, nutrition, etc. Cool. But as he kept talking i felt like he was asking for a lot of commitment. Commitment i am not sure i am ready to make. He wants me to show up 3-5 times a week, change my relationship with food, and work hard. Outside of bootcamp I've been exploring my options to find out what works best for me- i began yoga, which i do daily, and power yoga once a week. I walk dogs 5 days a week, averaging 3 miles a day. And ive been doing wonderfully with watching my intake and eating healthier meals (also I've eaten vegetarian for 3 days which I'm super proud of). I feel good after all these things, but i didnt feel good after boot camp. I felt defeated, like a failure. Someone please tell me if this is normal? Have any of you tried to slug through a bootcamp at a high BMI like mine? Everyone else at the camp today was, to be frank.... not fat. Should i go back? I dont feel like the bootcamp is sustainable forever, but i admit it probably is efficent. Thanks for your advice!!
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