TRIGGER WARNING: SELF DEPRECATION.
Got reminded that it's my cake day and that the first post I made on reddit was in this sub, starting another attempt at losing weight. Since then, I've lost the same 50-70lbs 4 times, and 2 times prior to joining, each time getting right at the doorstep of dropping below 300lbs, and each time gaining it all back. It's like a switch flips in my brain when I hit 305 that shuts off every thought except starvation. I can't focus on work, hobbies, anything. Just "Eat. You need to eat or you'll die. Drop everything you're doing and eat. Keep eating. You're still starving. Food. Food is your only thought now" I know how to eat responsibly. I know how to count calories and make nutritious meals. I just don't. I seek out snacks like a zombie, gorging myself and never feeling full, even after 5 to 7 thousand calorie sprees. I stop tracking, pull my fat clothes back out of storage (stopped getting rid of them 3 failures ago, too expensive to keep replacing) and then spiral into depression when I finally weigh myself to confirm I've gained all the weight back.
I've done IF. I've done keto. I've done cico. I've done paleo. I work out. I lift weights, walk, hike. The hunger always wins. Always.
Spoke with a doctor last year, and got put on phentermine to help the mental block and curb cravings, hoping these this was the extra help I desperately needed to combat the hunger I knew was coming. I lost 50lbs as of October 20th. Put it all back on as of today, despite still taking the meds daily. So that's it. I quit. It's been fun, though, watching everyone else succeed, trying not to be jealous and instead draw inspiration, but the hunger wins. It always wins. I can't keep failing and hating myself for hoping this time will be different. At 43, it will take an act of God to get me to try again. Nothing has solved the mental block of the insatiable cravings that always surface when I hit a certain weight no matter how slowly I lose.
Plus, this article has completely disheartened me.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/media-spotlight/201811/is-permanent-weight-loss-myth
Why try? Science shows your metabolism will quickly adapt to caloric deficit to save your fat and then trick you into gorging to replace what you lose.
My wife got gallstones from bad eating habits and I was told I was next, and I couldn't keep the weight off. I was so fat I was basically infertile and I couldn't keep the weight off from the second we finally conceived. My daughter is 2.5, and I couldn't keep the weight off for her, despite repeating that Iwas giving her more time with daddy and setting a good example. And now my son is a week old and I don't even want to try anymore. If I can't even change my habits to have extra years of life for with kids, then there's no hope for me left. I'll just try to be happy at my current weight and work out to keep my joints as strong as I can. I'm not even pre diabetic, so at least there's that. This will kill me, and I can't beat the hunger. Not even death is a deterrent. Not even death. And I'm terrified of dying. The hunger is too strong.
I've been offered WLS multiple times by two general practitioners, including my current one, but I'm scared I'll just eat my way out of it and do more harm than good even killing myself from overeating. That's how strong the hunger is.
Sorry for the pity party. Delete this if you must. I just can't start over a 7th time only to inevitably fail again.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/37t0QvZ
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