For about the past months, I have just been maintaining around 65kg, or 143lbs which for my height is a healthy weight, but I wasn't happy with it.
Not because of aesthetics or anything as I now realize, but because I know from the past, that I always used to maintain around 63-64kgs, which might not be a big difference, but it's a difference. It perplexed me how I am not doing anything differently and don't feel any different, but still have that one kg more on my body. When I recently told a couple friends my weight because we were talking about fitness, they didn't believe me at first because "you don't look like you weigh that much" which only made it sting more.
Today, it finally clicked for me when I took a shower after sitting and playing video games for 12 hours straight (no, I don't normally do that, I just found a really enganging new game) and when I looked in the mirror, I noticed that something on my stomach was missing. I've always had a flat stomach because that's not where I carry my weight, but when I sat down for long, I always had two disctinct red lines across my stomach from where the little chub I did have would fold over, but they weren't there.
In disblief, I stepped on the scale and still, 65kg, a little more even because I weighed after eating and drinking.
After that, I thought about other things and I realized that my even though I naturally have a very round face because of the way my cheek bones are shaped, it looks a lot less puffy and actually more defined, not only today but in recent pictures too. Looking at pictures, I generally look a lot less chubby now than I did when I was lighter. A pair of pants that perfectly fit me has actually been a little loose too, but I had always attributed it to the fabric stretching with use, if that is even possible for a pair of jeans.
Then it hit me, hot cock on a rock, I might have gained muscle mass! I don't really know how, because the only workouts I do are some small things to get my heartrate up because I was born with a deformity of the heart and don't plan on dying anytime soon from my heart growing too weak, but it must have somehow been enough to build some muscle along the way.
I wish I could insert a nice comparison picture here, because the difference especially in my face is crazy now that I compare the pictures, but I don't think I am at the confidence required to post my face here quite yet, maybe some day!
I was so focused on a number on the scale, that I became completely blind to these now obvious changes in my body! All that even though I was always the one who advised people to chase a feeling rather than a number, as in they shouldn't set a specific goal weight down to the pound, but rather define a way that they want to feel within their body.
I myself am still not quite where I would like to be with my body and the way I feel about it, but this realisation has helped me in detaching myself from that number and focusing more on how I feel, but it'll still be a long way until I am where I ultimately want to be. I am not saying that there is anything wrong with setting a goal weight for yourself, but it shouldn't prevent you from paying attention to things beside the number on the scale.
Take care and stay healthy in these trying times!
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