I didn't count my calories since last Wednesday and wanted to start today again. It went okay. I clocked in at around 1600 but my mind kept going back to the kitchen. Back to the packet of macadamia nuts. I looked at them, looked at the calories and I knew this little bag of 125g had 956 calories. And I still took them with me and ate them. I didn't have these in years and the first nuts were absolute bliss. Crunchy, sweet, salty. Too salty. My tongue had enough but I kept eating. I drank a whole bottle of water while eating these nuts and I just didn't stop. I ate them all.
So easy to ruin a day. I'm not happy about it. But I still need to be kind to myself. On Wednesday I spent over 4 hours waiting outside the hospital for my moms appointment to be over. In 4 hours I need to wake her up to go back for a biopsy. It was supposed to be next week but the chief doctor said it's urgent. My mom may have cancer and I ate 956 kcal worth of macadamia nuts. This is not an ordinary occurence and I need to be kind to myself. I need to forgive myself. I need to be positive so I can support my mom.
I'm writing this post because I can't look at myself in the mirror but I still need to get this message across.
You are trying. You have come so far. Every setback is disappointing but it doesn't mean the weight will never go down again. You can do this. You just need to be persistent. Be kind to yourself the same way you would be kind to a complete stranger. You will overcome this. I believe in you.
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