Hello everybody, this is the first time I'm posting here, I've been reading your topics for a while and it just discourages me instead of motivating me.
I'm a 26-year-old Italian woman. My weight in the last two years has been creeping up slowly but steadily, I went from 65 kgs to 86 now. The last 8 kilos I gained during the lockdown. My highest weight before had been 80 when I was heavily depressed 5 years ago but it lasted only a few months before I easily lost them by simply living normally.
I am 155cm tall (5'1) and my weight tells me I'm moderately obese. I think I'm lucky because my body genetically has good proportions, a small waist and large hips, and slim neck and face, but I still hate to look like this, I feel huge and awkward. I see lots of cute guys around and the thought that I look obese to them instead of "cute", as I had always been used to, makes me want to just stay home and hide for the rest of my life. I feel heavy while I walk and I see awkward fat on my arms, shoulder, waist, legs.
I used to go to the gym and really love working out, especially weight lifting, but lately, my life has been getting really hard as I still have to get my Bachelor's and I have to take care of my severely ill mom.
I go to therapy and I can say I successfully healed from anything mentally-related thanks to it, but I still find it very hard to just put effort day by day on my weight loss. The thought that I have to lose 30 kilos instead of 20, 10 or 5 as it was before, just makes me feel paralyzed and discouraged, and I'm scared to develop health issues as my breathing is already starting to be worse than before.
Has any of you been in my shoes? Do you have any tips or stories? I could really use some of that before I just decide to become a shut-in and give up on a man-woman relationship. (I'm not body positive NOR a fat shamer. I don't judge other people in any way, I just know for myself that I can't be happy with a man if all I can think about is hide my fat bits or how awkward my movements are.)
annd I apologize for the lengthy vent.
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