I’ve been losing weight on and off for a long time. I’ve been counting calories on and off for the past six years. I never got anywhere,,, until now. I got my mental health in a steady place and got out of insanely abusive relationship, and for the first time in my life, I’m losing weight, ACTUALLY losing weight. Since January, I’ve lost almost 50 lbs by doing CICO, weight training and (when the gyms closed) cardio.
I’ve lost 40 lbs since quarantine started and I’m so close to passing the number that I know will make my weight loss feel real: 200 pounds. However, it’s kinda freaking me out. I genuinely can’t remember a time that there WASNT a two at the beginning of my weight. I don’t know what that’s like.
I mean geez, I still refer to myself as 250 lbs and I still see that person in the mirror every single day. I had this thought in the back of my mind slowly creeping up on me all the time, my weight loss isn’t real, the scale is broken, my clothes are just extra stretched out, I’m imagining things, nobody else notices a difference and neither do I so the scale MUST be broken. But thats not it.
Although I do catch glimpses of who I am actually becoming, by seeing a new bone or my clothes fitting different, I kept telling myself that when I got under 200 pounds then that was going to solidify my weight loss. Seeing that brand new number on the scale as I enter onederland for what feels like the very first time because I have no knowledge of anything different is surreal, but as I get closer and closer I’m starting to freak out.
In a few days I will enter and permanently reside in onederland and it’s a big step and I’m so proud of myself, but I’m scared. I don’t know exactly what I’m scared about or why, but I just needed to get this off my chest.
Thank you for reading and if anyone else has felt this way or is currently feeling this way, then please feel free to comment
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