My biggest fear has become a reality

I know this isn’t the usual content for this sub but I feel like I need to get this off my chest.

Two years ago I weighed 180lbs at 5’ 10, not obese but certainly overweight. A year ago, I weighed 140lbs, with a body fat percentage of 19%. I was tall and blonde, curvy from lifting weights but slim. I had people ask me if I was a model. I thought I’d finally achieved everything I wanted.

I met an amazing guy in September last year and we starting dating immediately and have been together ever since. I was so happy and in love and all the struggle to lose the weight felt worth it.

Yesterday, he broke up with me. I didn’t understand, everything had seemed to be going great, we got along so well and he was my best friend.

He told me that he wasn’t attracted to me sexually and never had been. That when we’d met he had fallen in love with my personality but was never attracted to my body. That he’d spent the last 10 months hoping it would get better, but now he’s realised nothing will change and he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with someone he’s not attracted to anymore.

It’s absolutely broken me.

Everything I struggled for, everything I worked so hard for has just fallen apart. I’ve done everything I possibly could do and I’m still not attractive. Honestly I can’t even have a post breakup glow up because I already take my appearance so seriously. I dress nice, I wear makeup, I get my hair done, I workout.

I had thought that losing 40 pounds would change things for me but it hasn’t. What was even the point? What left is there for me to do? Even at my heaviest I’ve never felt so disgusting and I just don’t see the point in working so hard anymore.

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