I've had issues with food since I was a kid. I have always been a stress eater. I was overweight growing up, but when I turned 21 and started drinking also, it got significantly worse. I've gained about 30 pounds since then and now I (23F) am 5'9" and weigh around 205 lbs, which puts me right on the border of an obese BMI.

I am currently in an extremely stressful graduate program and I am literally constantly stressed. I'm also in a long-distance relationship with my fiancé and have been dealing with depression/anxiety (for which I'm seeing a therapist and am on medication), which all just makes things worse. I don't work out because I hate it and am exhausted all the time from school, even though I know I should make the time to do so. Because of a busy schedule, I eat out at least 3 times a week and have 2-3 drinks every day. I'll find myself out of bed eating snacks at midnight for no reason when I'm not even hungry... sometimes it feels like I can't stop. I've worried before that I suffer from a mild eating disorder, although I don't purge.

I lost 15 lbs on WW a few months ago, but got caught up in exam week, vacation and wedding planning so I got off track and quickly gained it all back plus some. I have tried so so many times in my life to lose weight (that last time was probably the most success I've had). I'll be super motivated for a few weeks and then it just gets old. All social activities involve drinking or eating. My fiancé and friends don't have to worry about what they eat/drink. I feel very discouraged thinking that this is going to be my life- I'm always going to have to worry about my weight and I hate it. It has gotten to the point now that I don't want to take pictures because I don't want to see how bad I look in them, but I still eat like shit and do nothing about it. I'm tired of failing and feel really shitty about myself, but I have no motivation and just really really don't want to give up food and alcohol.

Sorry for the long post, I guess I was venting a little. But if anyone has been in a similar situation, I'd love some advice :(

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