Hi Reddit,
I am writing this not only for my personal use but to vent and take a step in the right direction.
I have been overweight my whole life. When I was a toddler it was just me and my mom. She worked two jobs, so from day 1 my foods were cheap and quick to shove in the oven. Growing up, this didn’t change and it is only until now (that I have moved out), that I have full reign in a kitchen with the contents of a whole fridge.
I have suffered with depression for the majority of my life, and so emotional and boredom eating cheerfully followed suit. For a long time and even now, I don’t notice it and I don’t know that I am doing it.
When I was 14 I weighed 160lbs. At the time, it was very overweight, and I needed to lose about 50lbs to be at a good weight again. It seemed reachable, so I started running, though I kept eating the food at home. I didn’t notice it, but I can imagine I was actually losing something back then.
My life for the next 5 years became a whirlwind of binge eating and going to the gym once every month to try and relieve the bad feeling on my conscience. I’ve become so inactive that I never have the willpower to get out of bed most days.
I am almost 20 now. I weigh 280lbs and today (spurring this post) I looked at my food diary I made for this week to specifically target what could be the reason for me gaining weight so fast??
I’ll tell you the reason. Throughout the entire week I was eating between 2800-3000 calories a day. Wanna know the worst thing? It didn’t feel like i was eating half of that and I could have eaten more every time.
Once I ate 1500 daily calories for a week and I lost 14lbs In 8 days. I though it was unhealthy but I realise that was normal. I have eaten poorly for so long that I can eat twice the amount and still want more.
I suffer with aching joints, swelling, breathlessness and fatigue. As a woman, my periods have not come to me in almost two years. My partner wants a family but I worry I have damaged my chances of fertility. I have had hidradenitis Suppurativa since I was 13 years old and every year it gets worse. I empty my bowels anywhere between 3-6 times a day. My weight breaks furniture and I have to go to specialist clothing shops to fit my size. I have a BMI of 45 and when I walk it feels like I have run a marathon. I have depression every day and I wish I could zip open my body and walk into a newer, healthier one. My chances of losing weight with no loose skin has diminished and I am solely responsible for the pieces I need to pick up. I have been told by my doctor that my body weight needs to be very literally halved.
I hope this can remind you all that being healthy is a necessity. I hope that those of you who completed your journey can be glad you’ve changed for the better. I hope to read on this in future and know I have changed.
I had my chance almost half a decade ago to become the person I want to be today. Do not give up, I hope we can fight this together.
Let 2020 be a year of growth and success.
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