Incoming wall of text...
I'm a 37y/o F, 5'8" and currently 192lbs. I want to get down to around 154lbs, but will pay attention to my body and how I feel and stop/carry on as appropriate.
I've gradually put on the weight over the last 12 years, but it really came on after the birth of my first child six years ago. Looking back, the Husband and I suspect that I had PND from about a year after tiny human #1 was born and I ate my feelings. There was a lot of angry eating. There was a lot of sleep deprivation induced eating (#1 did not sleep until she was nearly 18 months old - instead she used me as a milk vending machine alllllll night every night). There was also a lot of eating what I wanted when I wanted as I felt like I would somehow be missing out - the thought of not eating the chocolate/crisps/bread and butter/sausage roll etc etc etc made me feel really resentful. I still struggle to pinpoint why I feel like this - at no point in my life have I suffered deprivation or gone hungry. The only thing I can point to is that we spent almost a decade overseas, living in places where food variety was sometimes very limited and we could not get a lot of things (think no yoghurt, cheese, cream, fish, convenience food, alcohol, varied fruit and veg....) so when we could get those things, we got them straight away as we didn't know when we would next see them again.
Not the case now though, so I've got to just get over the ridiculous feeling that by not having exactly what I want when I want, whether or not I am actually hungry, I'm somehow at a disadvantage.
I'm now 8 months post partum from tiny human #2 and so far am doing good in terms of my mental health (covid clusterduck aside). I am also a stone lighter than when I conceived #2. Whilst my sleep isn't great (#2 currently snuggled on my chest after teething induced wake up number 3 of the night) I am not reliant on sugar and caffeine to get me through the day. The Husband is keeping a very close eye on me and we raised my previous struggle with the relevant health care peeps.
I feel frustrated that I haven't fully used the last 8 months to really shed weight. I could blame lockdown, heightened anxiety (I tend towards anxious at the best of times) etc but the truth is that I've just enjoyed indulging. I've baked with the tiny humans, taken time to cook some great meals and eaten what I've fancied. My portion control is pretty awful, I can feel myself slipping back into old habits of angry, resentful eating and eating for the sake of it.
I refuse to do that.
I've worked out my TDEE and I think a calorie intake of 1550 is about right for a sustainable weight loss. I have all the questions about this though -
I'd appreciate input on how to judge activity levels. I'm not really sure how to factor exercise in - I out myself down as lightly active. I am establishing a habit of rowing 5/6km 3 times per week, I walk 5-6km a few times a week (normally involves pushing a pushchair up some pretty major hills) and I'm hoping to start swimming again once pools reopen. This will probably be once a week at first, and I'll do around 1.25km in around 40 minutes. I'm also going to get back into lifting (more in this further down). However I also have reasonably sedentary days and spend a fair bit of time sat with a baby on me.
This leads me onto my next TDEE question - as above I'm 8 months post partum and am still breastfeeding at what I'd describe as a significant level (stares at gargantuan gannet baby). I've no idea if this alters anything when it comes to calorie intake/deficit - any advice?
As mentioned above, I'm also going to start lifting again. I lifted prior to my pregnancy but very half heartedly. I started again at six week PP and was really getting into the swing of it when I injured my wrist. Covid meant I did not want to see anyone so I've instead stopped lifting and let it heal. It is now fully ok and I will start again at the end of this week (whilst I can row around my kids and naps, Husband has requested that I lift when he is there to spot/control tiny humans). I'm not talking huge weights - bench 30kg, deadlift 60kg etc but I don't know if or how I should factor this in once I start up again. The Husband keeps saying "protein" to me but I'm looking for slightly more constructive diet advice!
Diet advice. Dinners are good, I meal plan a week at a time so know what we are eating each day and we eat a good variety of all home cooked food. Working on packing more veg in and need to control those portions, but dinners are sorted. However I struggle to think of healthy, filling, preferably protein rich lower carb breakfast and lunch ideas. This is complicated by the fact that I don't have a huge amount of time to either prepare or eat these two meals - I'm trying to juggle my own needs with those of TH #1 & #2. So, any suggestions or resources which provide realistic meal ideas (that can either be prepared in advance or that don't need much prep) would be appreciated.
Last question - I want to work on liking myself more. I am quick to see the negative and rarely look at the positives about myself (the Husband assures me there are some). I don't buy myself things, I make do with ratty clothing and I don't make time to do the things I enjoy. This links in directly to my emotional eating.
Any tips on how I actually do the liking myself are much appreciated. I have made baby steps - for instance I've known for a while that something is up with my hearing. For a while, read a decade. For the first time I've been willing to admit it, I've done something about it and I have an assessment soon. Rather than feel embarrassed, I actually feel excited that I might get hearing aids or some sort of treatment because I DESERVE TO HAVE THIS FIXED. That is a big thing for me.
I'm hoping I can make real progress before I go back to work in November (I am on maternity leave until then). I want to have properly established healthy exercise and food habits by then so that going back into a desk job where, post covid there was always copious amounts of cake around, derails everything.
If I feel brave I may do starting pics.
TLDR: want advice on activity levels and TDEE, effect if any of weightlifting on TDEE and whether I should make allowances for breastfeeding, food help and how do I like me again?
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