Tonight I met an old friend for drinks and I am so grateful we were able to rekindle our friendship considering the last time we met, I threw up on her couch because I drank too much. (Now I cut down alcohol to once or twice a month max)
Anyway I asked to take a few pictures of me so that I could show my unrequited crush that I was living my best life. She took at least a dozen, with various angles and facial expressions from me. NONE of them looks good to me. You can see my deluxe double chin, greasy ass fat cheeks and chubby arms. Plus, on most photos im holding my dog and it doesn’t even hide away that chubiness that I dislike.
Im trying to be more grateful and open to positive things in my life. But I come out of a six month long depression where I gained a lot of weight, to the point where the first thing most old friends say when they see me is ‘you’ve gained weight!’ I even had the receptionist at my work ask if I was pregnant.
During lockdown IF was very helpful to me in losing 7 kilos (although I can barely see the results). I had to stop when I went on family vacation to be able to eat with my parents. Now I’m eyeballing my food to stay under 1200 calories (although as a treat I got myself one Reese’s this week).
I am very mindful of what I eat, I try to do volume eating and eat whole foods and low calories food like konjac noodles or cucumbers.
Im very motivated to lose this weight because I can’t take the humiliation of seeing myself in a picture, in the reflection of the mirror when I shop.
That’s another one, this week I went shopping and I almost cried in the dressing room. I looked like a potato bag. It was so humiliating even if I was alone. I’ve always been skinny my whole life and then one day all the bad decisions I made food and alcohol wise just appeared on my body.
Anyway I just want to talk to someone who can relate. My therapist is on holiday this week and I know you guys know the struggle.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2Pv9CmB
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